I met my friend, Kala, for lunch today, and she has a new car. A really cool new car. And I have a bit of a weakness for nice cars. I've had the car I have now longer than any other, I think. I don't need a new car. But after I saw Kala's new car - I began to notice every cool car on the road today. I have to keep reminding myself that new car = car payment, and God knows I don't want one of those right now. The craving I get for a new car after riding in one is much like the craving I get for a child after I've been around a new baby. Typically something happens to jolt me back to reality and remind me why I don't want one of those either.
I was in Target later on today and everywhere I went I ran into this mom and her two young children. The children were whining and begging and squealing and crying (really loudly) about EVERYTHING. She managed (I use that term loosely) their behavior by yelling at them (really loudly).
Over and over again.
Yelling the same thing over and over again (really loudly).
Obviously, the yelling didn't work and the brats would not shut up. I passed several other customers who were also obviously disturbed by the behavior of these children (You know, we gave each other the look) and then when I got up to the ONE register that was open (Tell me again why Target has 76 lanes because I've never seen more than one in use) she was in front of me. The children continued to beg for this and that and the mom continued to threaten and yell and moan and groan. I decided to go shop some more until she was done. Once I was sure she was gone, I checked out at the register, stopped at Starbucks for my misto (Thank you very much, Target barista, for knowing how to pronounce it and prepare it), and then made my way to the car.
I had parked pretty far away form the building for no reason in particular. As I approached my car, I realized that the mom and bratty children were parked right next to me. Good Grief! What the Hell? Do you have any idea how many empty spots I walked by to get way out there? And why is she still around? She has been out of the building for half an hour! Anyway, she was trying to load these wild creatures into her shiny new SUV and sighed rather loudly as she closed the last of the doors. I was thinking about her obviously new car and remembering again why I don't need a new car when she looked at me and said, "I'll take your old car and give you my new one if you take these kids with it."
First of all, my car is not old - not really, and it's very nice and I like it very much. So I was immediately offended. Especially since my car had not done anything at all to hurt her...unlike her children who had made me want to go home and drink. So the rest of the conversation went like this:
Me: What did you say? (I often ask folks to repeat themselves in the off chance that they might realize how stupid they are while repeating whatever ridiculous thing they originally said.)
Her: I said, I will take your old car and give you my new one if you take these kids with it.
Me: No thanks. I don't want any children. And if I had children, they wouldn't act like that.
Her: Like what?
Me: Like wild banshees. Especially not in public.
Her: Oh really? (Kids are screaming in the background; one is banging on the window of the SUV.)
Me: Yes, really.
Her: What's your problem?
Me: Goodbye. Have a nice day.
I got in the car and as I was about to drive off she yelled, "You think you're so smart with your coffee!"
I'm going to make a statement here that I promise you to be true. Do not email me and tell me that I can't say how I would react unless I have been there...because this? This I do know.
I swear to you that my children would not act like that. My children would not have made it beyond aisle #1.
And that, my friends, is why I'm so smart with my coffee.
I'm nearing the end of my time off...only one full day left. It's been a relaxing weekend with minimal stress. I spent the day Saturday at a Scrap, Etc. scrapbooking retreat. I realized about half way through the day that I was being unusually quiet and subdued. I have no idea what that was about...but because I didn't spend the entire time running my mouth and flitting from table to table, I actually got some things done. Here are a couple of the layouts I did. The first one is my favorite - Clover and Cowboy in Bobbie Jo's police car...in their rain slickers.
The next one was the result of a little game we played at the retreat. Lucy gave us a kit with a couple of pieces of paper and embellishments in it and we had to create something. So, I thought the paper was cute because of the numbers and naturally thought of birthdays...
Although I enjoyed crafting all day, and it's nice to be in an environment where I can focus - I missed PJ. I got the impression from eavesdropping on other conversations at the retreat that I was really the only one missing my husband.
I wonder if PJ would like to have a scrapbook retreat with me next weekend?
that there is a God and He loves me and wants me to be happy. I am off today! And tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. I don't have to go back until Tuesday. YES! By the way, God does not have to prove to me that He loves me and wants me to be happy - I just liked the way it sounded and God's love and God's will have been subjects of discussion lately around our house. I won't go into it for fear of running out of time and space to express my beliefs and opinions on the subject. Plus, who says my beliefs and opinions are right? They are just...well, mine. Also, now that I mention it, I don't think I will share my personal beliefs and opinions on such a sensitive topic on the radio with hundreds of thousands of people who might misinterpret...that probably wouldn't be a good idea either...Enough said.
It's been an interesting week. My mom had what the doctor thinks was a mild heart attack on Wednesday. She was at the doctor's office when this happened, so it was easy enough to roll her right over to the hospital for a procedure, and she is already back home. She seems to be feeling OK, and I'm glad to know that the cardiologist will now be keeping a closer watch on her. Sitting at the hospital with her Wednesday night made me wonder if it was difficult for her when she had to realize that her parents were getting older. I'm sure it was. Of course, she had three children who kept her pretty occupied and less fixated.
As I mentioned earlier in the week, we had a little dysfunction junction function at my mom's this past Sunday, so we were able to spend some time with the very entertaining nieces. (I use the term "entertaining" because, as I have said before, I can leave when I am no longer entertained. It's good to be an aunt.) Smudge, as always, was thrilled to see her Uncle PJ:
And Banana is always happy and excited to see everyone. I asked her what my shirt said, and she looked at it and looked back at me like she was so sad that I can't read. "Mambalamba Roll Tide," she said (in a tone to suggest that everyone knows that one) and off she went. (Hey Virginia, notice that cuteness on the wall behind me? She loved it, by the way.)
Later on, Anna did her witch imitation for us..."I scawie. I a ritch. GGGGRRRRR"
In case you are wondering if Sister Girl was there Sunday...yes, she was, but she got an MP3 player for Christmas so she sat on the sofa plugged in to her tunes the entire day...not much of a story to tell there. Smudge is learning (with very tight supervision) to take photos, so here's one she took of my sister and me with Sister Girl. I'm not sure what we are doing here, but I swear we were not stoned. Well, I know I wasn't and I'm pretty sure Sister Girl wasn't. Marianne looks like she's headed to a Grateful Dead concert, though. Party on.
Which reminds me...and I know I'm getting long winded, but I need to tell you about this show that Marianne turned me on to...10 Items Or Less. Have you seen it? It's on TBS. And it is funny. And for some reason, Marianne says the lead character and his work situation reminds her of me. Should I be offended?
OK - off to begin my Off-ness!
That was fun! Thanks for playing my little game. The three non-blogging winners are: 1) Noele, 2) Linh, and 3) Tracy. The three blogging winners are 1) Lisa, 2) Vanessa (although you really can't call someone a "blogger" if she never blogs), and 3) Carol (who is apparently about to give up blogging for good - what's that about?). Anyway...Let the crafting begin!
Noele is making something "springy" for Margie. Margie deserves something from everyone who works with us - she's pretty amazing. She is the glue...the wind beneath our wings...the reason I haven't killed someone already. Linh is making a layout for her sister-in-law which I think sounds super sweet, and Tracy is making Valentine cards for her co-workers. I can guarantee you that a Valentine card from Tracy will be flippin' adorable. Her Christmas cards were precious. Tracy, you need a blog. Tracy is very creative, and she's a great story teller. I have letters from 6th grade from her that would make good blog material...but I will save those for later. (She was a little bit BOY CRAZY.)
I know Lisa has already posted the offer on her site, but I haven't checked up on Vanessa and Carol yet, but rest assured - I'm holding them to it. So, if you missed out on the chance with me - visit one of their blogs to sign up. And I'm not sure what I'm making for the winners yet...I have so many ideas...hmmmm...
Carol and Lisa - PM me on the Scrap, Etc. message board with your snail mail address, please. I think I have everyone else's address.
Noele emailed me earlier in the week and asked me to make her something this weekend. I asked her if I was supposed to make her the thing she won in the Pay It Forward game or was this in addition to that thing she won in the game. She promptly emailed back and indicated that this was in addition to the thing she won in the game, since I would need something to do this weekend while snowed in.
Even though we didn't get snow - I did make something for you, Noele, and I will bring it to you tomorrow. A little Happy MLK, Jr. Day surprise. Sort of. (And I'm actually very flattered you would request something. Talk about pressure...I hope you like it.)
I'm happy to report that I'm feeling much better today. I'm even up past my usual early bedtime (probably because I drank a mis-a-lo this afternoon). I haven't felt much like eating, but I guess that's OK. We went to my mom's today and got to see Sister Girl, Smudge and Banana. They are (all three of them) lots of fun, very cute, and very sweet, but the main reason I love being an aunt is the fact that I can just leave when I've had enough.
I have nothing to say obviously...I just wanted to announce the Pay It Forward winners and send a shout out to my peeps. I will post pictures from today and hopefully something a bit more entertaining later. I can't believe I have to work tomorrow. Don't even get me started on that one...
OK, so snow was predicted for our area...like folks have been ranting about it for days...issuing warnings, causing all kinds of alarm and hysteria, causing my co-workers to talk endlessly about whether or not we will have to work. I thought if Noele told me one more time what James Spann had predicted, I might just call James Spann myself and tell him to STOP THE INSANITY. Snow doesn't happen much around these parts, and when it does - it's complete chaos. Every road is closed, every event is canceled. I finally gave in and started to believe it might happen and went to the grocery store yesterday (even though I still feel AWFUL and should have been in bed). I broke down and went because I think the only thing worse than being unable to leave the house would be to find myself unable to leave the house and completely out of Reduced Fat Cheez-Its.
I asked PJ several times what he wanted from the store as I was making the list the night before and re-visiting it the following morning. He seemed most concerned that he have Pop-Tarts and couldn't come up with much else. So, I spent over an hour and close to $200 at the store yesterday morning (all the while praying I wouldn't see anyone I knew because I looked like death on a cracker). I bought all of our favorite snacks and the fixings for many of our favorite meals. I know many of you buy much more food than that on a regular basis, but that's a whole lot of groceries for us...enough to keep us in business for a good long while. I came home and cooked a roast in the crock pot, and now have plans to make chili or soup later today. I was feeling great about our preparedness for the winter storm until PJ got home. He had the nerve to mention three different things he was craving last night. Did we have any of those things? No. Did he ask me to buy any of those things at the store? No. Did he add any of those things to the list when I asked him what he wanted? No. Does he have enough food to last him until next year in the pantry right now? Yes.
We woke up this morning expecting a winter wonderland and found NOTHING. A few hours later, a few flakes fell, but still not at all what had been predicted. Here we are toughing out the beginnings of the blizzard:
So I guess the grocery panic wasn't really necessary...but I'm happy to know roads will be clear for a few hours so that PJ can go to the store to get all those things that were so important to him.
Clover had never seen snow and she wasn't sure what to think when we took a walk later. Cowboy used to see it several times a year in Knoxville and he still isn't impressed with it at all. He wanted to go back in the house immediately. We took this photo in front of the house using the new GORILLAPOD Bobbie Jo gave me for Christmas. I wrapped it around the mailbox. That thing is AMAZING. We only had time to get off one shot, though, because seriously, Cowboy was pissed off. He was going in whether we wanted to or not. I almost didn't make it in the picture...but I like how the photo shows off the massive precipitation accumulation in our yard. (I wanted to make sure Vanessa saw that.)
So there you have it. Complete storm coverage. I'm a bit disappointed...it's been far too long since I had a real snow day.
I'm getting sick. I can tell because I woke up at 4:00am with a headache and I still have it at 9:00am even though I have taken enough Tylenol to kill a horse. Also, everything smells icky and my eyes are burning. I used to be able to tell my mother days before I got ill that it was coming. "Everything smells funny," I would declare. Of course she never believed me. She never believed we were sick unless we vomited on her feet on the way out of bed. And even then, if we didn't have a ridiculously high fever, we were going to school.
My sister would never admit this, but she is starting to act the same way with her own children. Smudge was about to hack up a lung on Christmas when PJ commented on how sick the poor baby was. Marianne promptly put him in his place, "She's not sick. She's well now. She was sick a few weeks ago." OK. Whatever. By the way, I heard from Smudge this very morning that she took a Benadryl - a pill - on her first try. The baby can swallow a pill now! Her life will be much easier having learned to take a drug or two.
So anyway, I'm getting sick. Mark my words. And I probably deserve it since I have been so disgusted with all of the sick people at work lately. I'm so tired of hearing them cough. I've asked a couple of co-workers more than once if they plan on going to the doctor or were they just going to die there on the desk. Even though I have been really careful not to touch anything they have touched and I have rubbed my hands raw with sanitizer, I think it's my turn. God, I hate to be sick. No one likes me when I'm sick. Not that anyone likes me now...but it's worse when I'm being bossy and bitchy.
So I'm thinking that I should send some good karma out into the world in an effort to ward off the sickness. Does that work? I hope so. Plus, I saw this idea on another site and thought it was cool. And, I admit, I'm not above stealing someone else's cool idea. So here we go. I'm calling it "Pay It Forward - Holly Hobby Edition." It's kind of like a swap only you have a whole year to get your act together. (And I'm already in too many swaps that are stressing me out right now, so this one I can do with minimal anxiety - I hope.) Here's how it works:
- anyone with a blog can join.
- the first three people to leave a comment on this post will receive a handmade gift from me.
- I will send your gift within 365 days.
- in return, you have to pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog.
See how easy that is? And if you don't have a blog, here's some goodness for you, too. Because I'm a nice person, and I realize not everyone is hip enough to have a blog... So, the first 3 people without a blog that leave me a comment will also receive a handmade gift from me within 365 days. In return, you must tell me (in your comment) what nice thing you will make for someone this year. Tell me what you will make and who will receive it.
Something for everyone! I love satisfied customers! And it's been far too long since I've seen one, so this should be fun.
Make sure you include an email address in your post so I can get in touch with you to find out where to send your handmade gift. And I promise to craft the gift after the germs are gone, so you won't catch the icky smelly burning eyes crud.
Holly Hobby OUT!
I had to work today even though I originally thought I would sleep all day and wake up tomorrow all refreshed and DONE with the mad rush. (You know what they say about best laid plans). Anyway, PJ picked me up after work and we went to eat lunch at a little pub not far from campus. There was this huge bald guy hanging out at the bar, and he immediately got my attention because he was wearing white socks with flip flops. He walked across the place a couple of times (to and from the bathroom, I think) but it was seriously difficult for him to remain upright because A) he was drunk off his ass in the middle of the day and B) HE WAS WEARING SOCKS AND FLIP FLOPS! It caused me to wonder why some people have time to drink all day on a beautiful Saturday. Doesn't he have something more interesting to do? Might I suggest shoe shopping?
When I was a bartender (yes, I was a bartender) we lovingly referred to Jagermeister as "Instant Asshole" and we knew when a customer started drinking the stuff - it was time to get him out the door somehow. Jagermeister almost always follows about six beers or three or four stiff mixed drinks. Jagermeister is never a good idea. And a sober person knows that. So I wasn't surprised when Mr. Socks & Flip Flops yelled his order for a shot of the stuff across the bar this afternoon. The restaurant owner looked a little concerned and tried to ignore him, but Mr. Socks asked again for a shot. The owner, who incidentally was bartender, cook and waiter today since none of his employees had shown up, offered an idea. "You just want Jager? Why don't you let me mix it with some Red Bull or something?" Mr. Socks grunted and yelled, "Hell no. Red Bull gives me a headache."