I'm gonna change the names to protect the
innocent fools here. Two conversations that have taken place BEFORE lunch here in this very office:
First of all, let me set it up. Eve has been frequenting the tanning bed and just got back from the beach, so she's got some glow action going on. And today Eve is wearing a super cute sun dress which accentuates the tan.
So...Eve walks through the accounting office and this crazy old bat (in a very loud because she can't hear so she thinks she has to yell everything voice) says in front of entire office staff, "If she gets any darker, she's gonna have to move to the back of the bus."
There was a very awkward silence followed by no comment.
(By the way, this is not the crazy old bat I heard telling a professor last year, "Hanukkah? That's neat. I've never met a Jew before." Different bat, different department.)
OK, next conversation:
Short plump middle aged woman who works in a different department (SPMAWWWIDD): Mandy, I should have brought you some blouses this morning.
SPMAWWWIDD: Blouses. My sister that died had lots of blouses and they're all too big for me. She was really broad like you. Maybe you can fit in them.
Me: (blink, blink, blink)