However Although Thus Several Several

But I know the heart of life is good...

Reasons why we:

1) Cannot cancel the holidays

2) Have to keep going

3) Are thankful we have each other...

 

 

 

 

 

I'm a little overwhelmed, but I'm hanging in there.

Thanks for checking on me. And Happy Thanksgiving.

Holidays old and new

I went back to work yesterday, and it was still work...and I was reminded of the hardest thing about death - the fact that everything else just keeps going. I was hoping someone would cancel all of the upcoming holidays and my upcoming birthday...but it looks like we're still on.

Sigh.

For those of you that don't know the history, my mom and dad divorced when I was 5 or 6 years old. I've remained close to my dad despite the efforts of my mom, grandmother, aunt and other women in the family who thought he should be punished forever and ever and ever. Anyway, I don't want to get into that now...but I will tell you that I also love my stepfather very much, and he's done an excellent job of being a father, grandfather and friend over the 33 years that he and my mom were married. I have no idea how he survived me as a teenager, but he deserves a medal for that alone.

So, back to my dad...just when I thought yesterday was probably the worst Monday I had ever had - I found out it was Bill Markham Day! Way to go, Daddy!  I'm so proud of you. Here's the video of what happened on the news live yesterday. You might notice a similarity or two. Those of you who went on and on at the funeral about how much I look like my mom might be changing your mind now that you see my dad...as a child, every single time I saw my grandmother she would say, "You are Bill Markham made over."

He's cute, isn't he? ;)

Life

I thought I should update you. My mom died yesterday morning at about 3:00. I was not there. None of us were there. She just quit breathing. And in that instant - everything about our lives changed.

The visitation is tonight from 5:00-7:00 and the funeral is tomorrow at 10:00. Both at Jefferson Memorial Gardens in Trussville.

I don't know how to do this. I don't want to do this.

Still here. Sort of.

So I was all set to change the banner here since pumpkins are out of style right now, but typepad has apparently upgraded and I don't have the energy to figure out the new way to do it tonight. Sorry.

My mom is still in ICU. Thank you so much for all of your thoughts and prayers and phone calls and emails. I can't begin to express how much it means to me to know you are thinking of us.

I really can't even wrap my mind around the situation with her right now - the fact that she is suddenly an older and sicker version of herself. It wasn't sudden, I'm sure. But maybe it has just now hit me.

Suddenly.

I wonder if that makes sense. And I wonder if everyone experiences this as parents age. Thing is - she's not that old - only 66. And 66 seems awfully close to 44 to me. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I have managed once again to make things about me. But, hey, this is about me. It's about me not being able to deal with it.

There are so many different issues going on with her right now that it's difficult to answer even the simplest of questions from well-meaning friends and co-workers. I can't always be there to talk to the doctors myself, and I'm never satisfied that my stepfather asks enough questions. Plus she is disoriented and drugged so we can't really rely on what she says the doctor said. But I am trying to get in the middle of things only when I am asked to do so. I talk to the nurses daily, and I get honest feedback from one nurse in particular. I feel like that's about all I can do at this point. My stepfather has to handle it. And I'm pretty sure he knows I am here for him when and if he needs me to do anything.

OK - next subject...ummm...when did it turn into Christmas season? I'm not ready for this. I've got about 7 gajillion ideas swirling in my head and no time to even write them down. I have a feeling this might be one of those holiday seasons I let pass by without a whole lot of effort on my part. I think I can get a bye this year - considering work is INSANE leading up to the SEC championship game and my mom has been in ICU an hour away from here for almost ten days. So if your gift from me is less than mind-blowing this year, there's your reason. Forgive me in advance.

And forgive me in advance for not writing so much lately. It's almost like I'm scared to even start writing about my feelings right now for fear I would a) never stop writing or b) collapse in a river of my own tears. I know it would help, but I'm still not ready to do it.

I need to go spend some time with my furry children. They've been neglected too much over the last couple of weeks. Clover is sitting on my feet now looking up at me like she has a huge crush on me. Cowboy, of course, is asleep somewhere.

Thanks again for your thoughts, prayers, well wishes. I will keep you posted.

I know

I'm a loser. I haven't blogged in nearly a week. I need to change that pumpkin banner. I need to remove that Wrapper's Delight blinkie. I need to post photos from Wrapper's Delight and tell you all about the weekend. I also need to finish unloading my car. (Yes, I've been home for two days.) I have piles of laundry. My Dell is making a strange noise and the warranty expires in six days. I broke my favorite pair of glasses. I have prescriptions to get filled, groceries to buy, dogs to tend to...

Not to mention I have about 345 emails to return and that doesn't count the personal ones. And I haven't even written about football. Football! Amazing what can happen in one season. My job just got a tad more interesting. Maybe "interesting" isn't the word I am looking for. 

Anyway.

Sigh.

I will tell you this - the weekend did not go as planned. My mom ended up in ICU Friday night due to pulmonary embolisms...scary stuff...so I spent a good part of my time at the hospital. We thought she was doing better since she had been moved to a regular room yesterday, but my brother just called and said they have moved her back to ICU tonight. I'm worried about her. I move from fretting to freaking out all day long. I'm a world class fretter and freaker outer. Unfortunately, when I'm in the fretting and freaking out zone - I don't accomplish much else.

Prayers?

Please?

More later.

outta here

I'm taking a much needed break from reality to spend the weekend with my peeps at Wrapper's Delight, a fun and creative event hosted by Scrap, Etc. I can't wait to see my girls, chat, snack, cut, and paste for 36 hours! I plan on just soaking in the creativity and ideas that will be swirling around the room. Surely this will get my butt in gear for holiday preparation. If not, then I don't know what will. We may have to call the whole thing off.

I'm mostly looking forward to being away from the sea of crimson and the 72,000 things to do and no time to do them because of the ceaseless questions and the trying to predict the number of t-shirts and the what if that and the what if this and the what about the shakers and so forth and so on that has become my life over the last several months. So, let us not forget the importance of a big Bama win against LSU this Saturday. But dear God, please let me forget about the importance of a big Bama win against LSU this Saturday. Please let me not give a flying rat's ass. Thank you.

So I will be back next week. Hope you enjoy your weekend, too.

If we cared enough

I know I spend a few posts a month complaining about the Starbucks in my building at work, but overall, I rather like the coffee. And sometimes - just to be nice - I actually just order a "mis-a-lo" rather than a "misto" avoiding all drama and frustration on everyone's part. Not that I've given up the battle completely, but I've decided there are more important issues. For instance, how am I going to get people to quit saying "mute" when they mean "moot?" My work never ends.

Please vote today. And then please don't send me any other emails about how horrible things are going to be if we don't vote for that old guy and his wacky sidekick. I know you think the world will end if he doesn't win, but there's really no need to continue to share that with me. If the world does end - I'm ready. And...well, at least I will be sipping my free coffee and happily waiting on history making results either way.

Woo to the Hoo!

Shut tha front door! This is BIG!

RTR, baby. Can you pass the kool-aid, please?

Oh, and where can I get a Red Raiders t-shirt?