So I was all set to change the banner here since pumpkins are out of style right now, but typepad has apparently upgraded and I don't have the energy to figure out the new way to do it tonight. Sorry.
My mom is still in ICU. Thank you so much for all of your thoughts and prayers and phone calls and emails. I can't begin to express how much it means to me to know you are thinking of us.
I really can't even wrap my mind around the situation with her right now - the fact that she is suddenly an older and sicker version of herself. It wasn't sudden, I'm sure. But maybe it has just now hit me.
I wonder if that makes sense. And I wonder if everyone experiences this as parents age. Thing is - she's not that old - only 66. And 66 seems awfully close to 44 to me. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I have managed once again to make things about me. But, hey, this is about me. It's about me not being able to deal with it.
There are so many different issues going on with her right now that it's difficult to answer even the simplest of questions from well-meaning friends and co-workers. I can't always be there to talk to the doctors myself, and I'm never satisfied that my stepfather asks enough questions. Plus she is disoriented and drugged so we can't really rely on what she says the doctor said. But I am trying to get in the middle of things only when I am asked to do so. I talk to the nurses daily, and I get honest feedback from one nurse in particular. I feel like that's about all I can do at this point. My stepfather has to handle it. And I'm pretty sure he knows I am here for him when and if he needs me to do anything.
OK - next subject...ummm...when did it turn into Christmas season? I'm not ready for this. I've got about 7 gajillion ideas swirling in my head and no time to even write them down. I have a feeling this might be one of those holiday seasons I let pass by without a whole lot of effort on my part. I think I can get a bye this year - considering work is INSANE leading up to the SEC championship game and my mom has been in ICU an hour away from here for almost ten days. So if your gift from me is less than mind-blowing this year, there's your reason. Forgive me in advance.
And forgive me in advance for not writing so much lately. It's almost like I'm scared to even start writing about my feelings right now for fear I would a) never stop writing or b) collapse in a river of my own tears. I know it would help, but I'm still not ready to do it.
I need to go spend some time with my furry children. They've been neglected too much over the last couple of weeks. Clover is sitting on my feet now looking up at me like she has a huge crush on me. Cowboy, of course, is asleep somewhere.
Thanks again for your thoughts, prayers, well wishes. I will keep you posted.