However Although Thus Several Several

Mojo slowly returning

Obviously I've been in a bit of a funk since my mom died...when I sit down to write or to scrapbook or to do anything really, I am consumed with grief. It seems if I stop to create then I have essentially stopped to think. And thinking is not great fun at this point in my life. Thankfully I have begun to notice more bright spots in my days and I've even heard myself laugh some over the last week or so. I know the clouds are lifting. And I am keeping my depression in check by communicating regularly with my therapist and talking openly about my sadness...for the most part. I don't talk about it with everyone because well, let's face it - I'm a bit of a downer right now. But I have got to snap out of it soon. I've been watching The Bachelor for God's sake! A sure sign that I'm headed straight to loserville.

Good news, though - I sat down to create a few scrapbook pages this past weekend! I know! Shocking! I've been behind on my design team stuff for Scrap, Etc. and feeling really awful about being tardy and not living up to my commitment there. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't sit down and go through my photos. I finally decided that I should just start with that photo that I keep skipping over on my phone...and maybe if I did something with that one, I would free my brain to do something with some of my other photos. Said photo is the one that I was using as my blog banner...it was taken the last day I saw my mom and I made that banner the same weekend. I guess that's why I couldn't bring myself to change the banner until now. So...long story short - I changed the banner and I made a page with the photo and the memory that goes along with it. And wow! It was cleansing. Scrapbooking as therapy - I could be on to something! Here it is (click on it to make it larger and you can read the journaling):

 

Next I decided to focus on my children so I did a page about each of them. The first one is about Clover and how serious she gets about the little squishy balls. The ribbon on this page was a gift from my sweet friend, Lynn. I think she sensed I needed a little shove. (Thanks, Lynn!)

 

And the last one is about Cowboy. He's bad. Very bad.

 

It felt great to get the scissors out again. I've got lots of happy ideas floating around in my head now, too, so I think that's a good sign.

Insert Mary Tyler Moore theme song music...She's gonna make it after all...

What gives?

So I started receiving Business Week a few weeks ago and although I'm already the same amount of weeks behind in reading it - I like it. No idea why I'm getting it, though. So if you gave me a subscription to Business Week, please tell me so I can thank you properly. Of course it's also possible that I will notice a mysterious charge on my Visa and find out I subscribed one night in an Ambien stupor. At least it wasn't Hustler.

Still hoping

Hope
Originally uploaded by mandythewriter

So work today is a total buzz kill. But I swear it will take more than that to get me off of my high from watching history being made yesterday.

When will I stop expecting people to be reasonable, responsible and just plain nice?

Never. Because I have to believe there is hope even for the worst of us.

 

Word

I almost forgot that I got this award from Lisa last week. Work is nuts right now so I filed it away to come back to later and when I saw it today I was happy all over again. Thanks, Lisa. I love your blog, too. And I love how you can always cheer me up. I'm looking forward to seeing you and the other Scrap, Etc. DT girls tomorrow night! It has been too long.

If I understand correctly I am now supposed to answer the following questions with a one word answer. I rarely answer anything with just one word so this could be tricky:

1. Where is your cell phone? purse

2. Where is your significant other? work

3. Your hair color? several

4. Your mother? gone

5. Your father? interesting

6. Your favorite thing? iPhone

7. Your dream last night? books

8. Your dream/goal? writer

9. The room you're in? ugh

10. Your hobby? scrapping

11. Your fear? death

12. Where do you want to be in six years? nothere ;)

13. Where were you last night? sofa

14. What you're not? satisfied

15. One of your wish list items? Greece

16. Where you grew up? Huffbuck

17. The last thing you did? vent

18. What are you wearing? boring

19. Your TV? heavy

20. Your pet? two

21. Your computer? Dell

22. Your mood? irritable

23. Missing someone? sure

24. Your car? reliable

25. Something you're not wearing? yamika

26. Favorite store? many

27. Your Summer? hot

28. Love someone? absolutely

29. Your favorite color? green

30. When is the last time you laughed? earlier

31. Last time you cried? earlier

 

Now I have to pass this award along to other worthy bloggers. Since Lisa already named some of my faves, I am going to award some of my other fave and different peeps:

Queen Vanna because you are the craftiest person I know.

Katie B. because you are the cutest person I know. (PJ, please don't be mad.) And her little daughter is really a vampire which has caused them to be banned from the gym and well, it's a long story...but I swear, she's CUTE.

And Kindredly because you are the funniest person I do not know. I can't remember how we even found each other, but I'm glad we did.

So now you all have to answer those questions with one word and then pass along the award. See how it works? Or you can just skip the work and bask in the glory. I'm used to people around me doing just that.

 

And I have to tell y'all about this artist I discovered - Allison Strine. She is amazing. We have decided (actually, I decided and she is going along with me because I think I scared her with my fan mail and web stalking) that we are really twins separated at birth. Of course, she's the twin with all the talent. Check out her work. See if you notice that she and I love the same things. Seriously. I can't decide what to order first. I wish I could buy one of every single thing.

 

OK - back to students who can't remember where they put the receipt for that $300 book but they would like a full cash refund, please.

powerless

Because the first step is admitting you are powerless over it...it being the iPhone (or the AmbienCR).

It's no secret that I don't sleep without some help. I've been taking AmbienCR for a while now, but have recently started to worry about my dependence on it and the very real possibility that while under its influence, I am doing things or saying things I don't remember doing or saying. Jen Lancaster has written about this a few times...funny stories about things she doesn't remember ordering online showing up at her house a few days later. My dad has some pretty scary stories about what it has done to him, too. There have been some late night conversations with PJ that I really don't recall, and I have seen evidence of the fact that I've been up in the night at times when I have no recollection of ever leaving my cozy bed. I once sent an email I don't remember sending and signed it, "Love, Nancy." Thankfully, Virginia just thought I was being silly and the email was appropriate and relevant.

And now this morning I go to look at my blog and see that sometime after 11:00pm I posted a little ditty about Publix. OK, here's the concern...that photo was on my iPhone, and I didn't know how to post to my blog from my phone. Had never really thought about doing it. So after some investigation today, I have discovered that apparently at some point last night (after I went to bed at 10:00ish) I found, downloaded and learned to use a new application on my iPhone. Then I posted my photo of Publix along with a little sentence or two. Alarming, to say the least.

So I can't decide if I should try to get off of AmbienCR or not. I am a bitch on wheels if I don't sleep. Completely miserable and inconsolable. Why would I want to do that to myself or to my coworkers and friends? Then again, what's next? I can't be ordering stuff online in the middle of the night. I really need to have the time to obsess over what I am going to buy before I order it. I also can't be posting or emailing things I don't remember because I will surely lose my job and several friends if I am allowed to freely roam the world wide web and speak my mind...

Maybe I will start with putting the iPhone somewhere else at night when I go to bed...it's too accessible at this point. That seems like a better option than not sleeping.

Why do I feel like this won't have a happy ending?

Meet our sexy new neighbor...less than a mile away...

Winn-Dixie and Food World can SUCK on it! I'll be the girl with the cart full of BOGO deals and Publix fried chicken and Shiraz...

 

Hope floats

I think this is a beautiful picture. It makes me hopeful.

 

You may leave a comment, but in the words of Bon Qui Qui, "Don't get crazy."  If you can't say something nice, move along. I'm enjoying my newfound optimism.

And what does it say about me - the fact that I love this photo and I love the Bon Qui Qui video? Don't answer that. As I said, move along.

Don't get ahead, just jump into it...

I have no excuse. I won't even try. I laughed out loud when I read this by Jen Lancaster, though, because it is so me...as is much of her writing. I think we are related somehow and just don't know it.

So I'm gonna mix it up a little over the next few weeks - maybe a new design for the blog? Maybe try posting something every few days? Maybe add a new photo blog for my 365 thing I'm trying to do? Maybe update my album of layouts and such? Maybe? You think? Maybe not. You'll just have to wait and see. I'm ready for something new, though.

I'm wishing I could be done with the little voices that nag me about how I'm not good enough, not smart enough, not skinny enough...how I don't do enough, don't have enough, don't care enough...I need some of those little voices that pump me up with affirmations all day long about how beautiful and smart and creative and blessed and loved I am. Where do you get those little voices? Someone send me a link.

In an effort to start 2009 in a traditional yet creative way, I will tell you the top ten things for which I am most grateful...right now...today - January 4, 2009. And then I will tell you the top ten things I would love to change or do differently in 2009. And then I am moving on. Pity Party officially over. (At least for now.)

Grateful today for:

1. PJ. (Seriously? What did I do to deserve him?)
2. Bobbie Jo. (Seriously? What did I do to deserve her?) This is why I can't win the lottery, people. I used all my luck up on getting a husband and a best friend.
3. Brothers and sisters (full, half, step, in-laws, etc.) and parental units (full, in-law, step - past and present). All of these people - no matter how crazy they make me sometimes. And sometimes, they make me very crazy.
4. Sweet doggies.
5. Adorable nieces and nephews.
6. Happy memories.
7. Amazing friends. (I realize I need a new adjective.)
8. Great camera.
9. My bed with flannel sheets & fluffy pillows.
10. The iPhone.

To do, change, be in 2009:

1. Leave it at work.
2. Take more photos.
3. My photos. Good Lord, do something with all those photos.
4. Mother's photos. Good Lord, do something with all those photos.
5. Organize the office/scrap room.
6. Say "no" more often.
7. Care less about what people say about me.
8. Care less about what people think about me.
9. Pray more.
10. Read more.

Happy New Year, friends. Let's get it started.