However Although Thus Several Several

Breaker, breaker

Sometimes people get on my nerves. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just got snippy with the cashier at Publix for no particular reason. Just because he was there, and he was on the other end of the piece of crap debit card machine that was making me late returning from my lunch hour. I probably should go back and apologize to him...maybe another day. If I went back today there's no telling what would happen or what I might say. For now, he's better off without my apology.

So there's this big dog and pony show happening here tomorrow and I'm having a hard time conjuring up any real concern over it. I'm not even dreading it like I typically dread any and all meetings. I just don't really care about it. That, my friends, should be a LARGE red flag. It could be the calm before the storm. I'm due for a complete hissy fit and who knows? It might just happen tomorrow during this all day fiasco. Stay tuned.

Speaking of tomorrow - it's my last day of work for a good long while. I am having shoulder surgery Wednesday and won't be back at work until after spring break. (Can I get an "amen?" Sad, I know.) It's a minor surgery and the physical therapy should be the worst part, but I'm so ready for the thing to quit hurting that I would do just about anything at this point. For the last two nights I have had strange dreams that relate to the upcoming procedure. For instance, in one dream, the surgeon thought he was supposed to amputate my arm so when I woke up I only had a shoulder remaining, and the shoulder was still hurting - so I was pissed. Not pissed because my arm was missing, but pissed because my shoulder still hurt.

I updated However365 last night. I'm totally impressed with myself for keeping up with this project. I would be even more impressed if I took every photo with the Nikon, but I'm trying to make it easy, so some of them are taken with the iPhone...not the best quality, but still a glimpse of the rock star life I lead. I know you appreciate the inside scoop.

Thanks so much for all of your sweet comments about Hank. Sissy even called to tell me I have such sweet friends. I already knew that, though. I really appreciate your support and encouragement for all of us, but especially for her. Thank you.

I may be absent for a bit due to my surgery and resulting torture physical therapy, but I will try to tweet every now and then. I'm thinking Jen Lancaster is right when she says, "Twitter is the new CB radio." I'm getting hooked even though I don't say much. I do a whole lot of following and a good bit of researching trends and looking at tweets that my GPS finds near me. It's all fascinating. Especially if you are a big nerd like I am. If you're on Twitter, let me know in the comments so I can follow you. You can follow me, too, if you want: @howeveralthough, but like I said, I'm a little quiet. Not sure what that's about. I imagine that will change soon enough. (Insert same calm before the storm theory.)

Hey, does The Bachelor come on tonight? I think so! My mood just improved. (Even sadder, I know.) Maybe I should go see that cashier after all. Poor thing. He's probably still wondering what he did to make that woman with the Cheez-its and People go bat shit crazy on him.

(Yes, PJ, I bought a People just for you.)

And it moves us all

My brother's youngest child was born just six weeks before my mom died. In the post I wrote the day after she was born I mentioned the whole "circle of life" concept and how Addison was reminding me that my life is good despite the fact that my mom was sick. I didn't know, obviously, when I wrote it that I would soon have to try to actually believe it and understand it...not to mention, live it. Addison as well as my other nieces have been a source of strength and comfort for me during this time - something to hold on to, something to hope for. Their bright faces and funny comments remind me of our youth and give me reason to believe that they will also have good lives...direct results of the love our mom had for us.

And then this happened...

About six weeks after my mom died, my sister called me at work one day and asked what kind of mood I was in. Seems she wanted to tell me something. "I'm gonna have a baby," she said, "and I know everyone's gonna be mad at me."

Mad at you?

She found out she was pregnant the same week my mom died. This will be Sissy's 4th child. She is 41 years old, and the single mom of three children already. Her oldest child lives with his dad, and the two girls live with her. Sissy struggles to make ends meet with very little help from her ex-husband. Although she has been seeing this baby's father for a good while, none of us have met him, and she says she isn't going to marry him. So...with all of that in mind, I was a little freaked out by the news of a new baby. Freaked out only because I worry about her. I have worried about her all my life, though. I worry about everyone. It's what I do.

But I wasn't mad at her.

Some folks are mad at her. As if she's doing something to them personally. And some folks have seen fit to express their anger by ranting and raving and calling her names. (And those are the adults I'm talking about.)

The thing about Sissy, though, is this: She always survives and she never seems to worry about herself or her situation nearly as much as the rest of us do. She's warm and loving and forgiving almost to a fault. She has this uncanny ability to just be happy with what she's got and muddle through what life has dealt her. I love watching her with her children - she's completely entertained by them, and affectionate in ways that our mom never was with us. And although I am completely frustrated with her carefree attitude on a regular basis, that attitude tops the list of the many reasons I love her so.  

And so, back to the circle of life. Meet Hank. He will be here in July...whether you are mad about it or not. And excuse me, but how can anyone look at this and be anything other than in love?

The Blissdom recap I almost didn't write

I'm neurotic.

I am fresh back from a conference about blogging and I'm scared to blog about it. At least I think I'm scared...I'm not sure what to call it...overwhelmed, maybe? Freaked out, maybe?

So.

Blissdom'09.

Wow.

I had been there 10 minutes when I texted PJ to say, "They're all young and pretty." I was completely intimidated by them...these sexy geeky girls who seemed to know so much more than me about so many sexy geeky things. I wasn't prepared. It had not occurred to me before that moment that I might not be the smartest person there. I was out-numbered, out-dressed, out-teched. And it was not a good feeling. I clammed up and hardly spoke to anyone for several hours. Why had I wanted to go to this smart girl summit in the first place? What was I thinking? What had I hoped to accomplish? And why didn't I bring along one of my bloggy friends? Why didn't I bring cards? And why the hell don't I have a MacBook?

Somehow I resisted my urge to crawl out of the room, and I listened and I watched. And pretty soon I was into it. Really into it. But even as into it as I was - I didn't make new friends there. Not because people were rude, but because I didn't really try to make new friends. I was too busy trying to process all of the information while making sure no one discovered I wasn't making new friends and felt like they had to make small talk with me. Luckily it's easy to avoid the whole small talk scene if your head is in your laptop or your iPhone for two days.

I learned so much from every aspect of the weekend - the speakers, the panels, the eavesdropping, the observing of everyone else. There were many highlights: I met Jen Lancaster, but couldn't think of a thing to say except, "I'm a big fan." And "I love your writing." And "I'm a big fan." I learned way more about twitter than I ever imagined possible. (You can follow me @howeveralthough, by the way.) I discovered Chris Mann. (Hello, he is adorable.) I met a marketing dude from Wal-Mart. (And yes, I was nice to him. I liked him.) I got some cool swag. I consumed about 7,000 calories in Little Debbie 100 Calories Snacks.

Eventually (maybe two hours before the weekend was over) I realized I did fit in (sort of) and I got more comfortable (sort of). But by then I was also on tech overload and completely exhausted. Then it was time to go. All in all - I loved it. Next year I'm making Virginia go with me. (And I'm taking a MacBook even if I have to steal one on the way there.)

OK. There. I blogged about it. Attention sexy geeky girls - leave me a comment. Much preferred to small talk.

I partied for 5 minutes

Work was a day of long meetings and pointless conference calls but I managed to pop in to see Noele long enough to wish her a happy birthday and to eat a piece of the unbelievable red velvet cake that Nelson made and decorated himself. Seriously. He drew that cat. With icing. And he made that icing. And he made the cake. From scratch. You know, with flour and eggs and lots of sugar and stuff? And it was DIVINE. I'm pretty sure he said it has 2 Weight Watcher points per large slice. (Insert Bon Qui Qui, "Is that what you had said?")

Happy Birthday, sweet Noele. Thank you for being hip and fun and for no longer thinking I am the devil that wears Prada. (You don't think that, do you?)

 

There's gotta be something more...

Today I am sad. Again. I was thinking of that song, "Something More" by Sugarland on the way home today..."I need a little less hard time. I need a little more bliss."

My friend, Jennifer, is hurting. Her dad died of a massive heart attack this morning. He was a great man. She is a great woman. They are a great family. I don't get it. Please don't try to explain it to me. I won't believe you when you say that there's a reason for everything. What reason is there for such sorrow? Seriously? He was only 67. When my mom died more than one person told me that things happen for a reason. I think that's an absolutely ridiculous thing to say. Things happen. And sometimes things suck. Do I doubt that God is in control? Not really. But I still don't get it. More and more I am wondering what it's all about. When I talked to Jennifer today I could hear in her voice that same thing I heard and have heard in my voice ever since my mom died. Just complete shock and disbelief. Why? Why now? Why us?

I can't even discuss it. I just needed to say (write) it. You can read about Jennifer's dad here. Dr. Corts left a huge mark on life.

Speaking of the Sugarland song...I got that one in my head because I'm looking forward to Blissdom '09 this weekend. (Bliss? What's that?) Anyway, I'm really excited about sharing the weekend with these amazing women and getting to hear Jen Lancaster live and in person. (I am, as you know, a HUGE fan.) My ticket to the conference was a gift from Bobbie Jo, and I think it was the perfect gift for me in lots of ways. PJ is going to Nashville with me so I'm also looking forward to a weekend away with him. I hope we get to see my little bro and his fiancee while we are there...and we might even take in the Opry one night.

Blissdom '09 is all about blogging...and more and more I'm realizing that blogging is a huge part of my life...both the writing of my blog and the reading of other blogs. Blogging is how I will leave a part of me here when I am gone. It and scrapbooking, for me, are about leaving a mark. I saw this quote on the Scrap, Etc. event site recently and thought it summed up my perspective quite nicely:

"Above all else it is about leaving a mark that I existed: I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had ideas and I had a good purpose and that's why I made works of art." - Felix Gonzalez-Torres

32 divided by 365

I decided to try and document my life this year by taking one photo every day for 365 days. Most people who know me will probably think this is easy for me, but it's been a bit of a challenge...a challenge to remember to do it on some days (I've only missed one); a challenge to always have a camera with me (I've given myself permission to use any camera I want - Nikon, iPhone and even Flip video will all count); a challenge to notice in the midst of life there are many moments worth photographing; and a challenge to keep all of these photos organized.

I'm not sure what I will do with these photos in the end - some sort of scrapbook project maybe? For now (and for the rest of the year, I guess) I am posting the photos on a new blog called "However365." You can click here to check it out. I'm also posting a link in the sidebar (once I remember how to do that) for easy access.

Please note - However365 is a no frills blog...just a place to document life. And I'm not posting to it every day. The challenge is to take a photo every day - not to blog every day. (I will work on that challenge another year.) So I may accumulate a bunch of photos (like the 32 I just posted) and then sit down one Sunday afternoon and post them all. Don't let the lack of flashy design and creative links, etc. scare you away, though. I love your comments on this blog and I hope you will comment there, too.

So...anyone else doing this? What do you think? I'm actually really proud of myself for keeping up with it so far. I can't wait to look back at the end of the year...333 days to go.