I read just a few nights ago that one of the most important rules of blogging is: "Do not blog about blogging." Although I understand that concept in a way, I think there's a time and place for everything. I also think that my blogging routine has changed, and I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge that. It's simple, really. I don't write as much as I used to. At least not here I don't.
Lately most of my writing has been in 140 character tidbits here and there on twitter. I don't even write those very much, though. I go there to read. I've spent hours lying in bed reading tweets on my iPhone while tripping on the Lortab I'm taking post shoulder surgery. I follow links and I read stuff and then I follow some more links and I read some more stuff. I told my therapist last week that I feel like I'm doing important research when I'm in this geek zone. Of course she thinks I'm using it (twitter) to keep from showing up here (or anywhere that would reveal more than 140 characters about how I am feeling). She has a point.
I've also been writing in this book that Virginia made for me. It was supposed to be an art journal, but one Sunday night I grabbed it because it was closest to the bed and I needed to write about seeing my mom earlier in the day and the ominous feeling I had about her health. When she died two days later I picked up the book again, and I've continued to use it for recording my feelings surrounding her death. The book is getting full already...random memories, stories, complaints about relatives, rants and prayers...all in one place. Occasionally I read back through it to remind myself that I'm moving in the right direction in this grief process.
So I guess it's not completely accurate to say I haven't been writing. My writing has become more personal lately. I'm using it as a tool to deal with my grief, and I really didn't think this blog was the appropriate place for me to do that. Notice I said, "for me." I wish I were the type person who could just open up about everything here - especially if it would help someone who might be dealing with the same type issues, but I can't. I don't know why. I could venture a guess but it doesn't matter.
I imagine it will pass - this
writer's blogger's block. Until then I will show up when I show up. And I will try to be engaging and witty and deep...and not do so much blogging about blogging.