However Although Thus Several Several

I think it's neat how

1) Because he's still just as precious as ever, I'm not embarrassed to say that I had the BIGGEST most ridiculous crush on Donny Osmond when I was a child.

2) Taking a class or two can make me forget (for a moment) to dread going back to work the next morning. 

3)  Acquiring a MacBook Pro can make life so much easier. Oh, Apple. Sigh.

4) The snake on our porch knew better than to show up when I was around.

5) There are college kids around here (mostly male) who impress me daily with their wisdom, intelligence and maturity. (Maybe a total of 3?)

6) I haven't killed any of the ones who don't fit in the above category - yet.

7) Smucker's Uncrustables now come on whole wheat bread.

8) Macy Gray doesn't give a flying rat's ass what anyone thinks about her.

9) Kelly Osborne can even get out of bed - much less ballroom dance.

10) I have so much free time I can spend my evenings watching such nonsense rather than reading the 75 chapters and 92 articles I've been assigned to read.   

That's all for now.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Part 1

There are times when I don’t write much at all. I have numerous theories on why that is, but they all boil down to a couple of basic themes: 1) not enough time and 2) too much emotion. It’s as though I can’t let my brain stop long enough to record what is going on for fear that I will fall behind or fall apart - neither of which I can afford right now.  It’s always been interesting to me how writing is both my therapeutic confessional and my escape from reality. I’m happiest (and do my best work) when my life and my feelings are falling somewhere in the middle of the road. But we all know this has not been a middle of the road kind of year.

So I thought it would be best to just catch up and continue my timeline of “life since my mom died.” I imagine when the anniversary of her death comes around I will have to come up with some other way to reference time and events. Maybe by then I will have found a way to measure experience that doesn’t include my wondering what her reaction to all of this would have been. Secretly, I think she would not have handled parts of it all real well – and maybe that’s why she’s not physically here now – in the middle of it.

This will be a photo heavy post, but I find that photos tell the story better than I ever could.

OK, so where were we? Oh yes, Hank. Precious little Hank. My sister (Marianne) went into labor a few weeks early and Hank was breech so she had to have an emergency C Section. She called me at work, but I was really busy hanging out on the sales floor with this co-worker and missed the call:

Finally PJ found me and I took off for the hour long trip to the hospital. I made it just in time to be in the delivery room with her.

Whoa.

Surprisingly we all made it through that experience just fine. Here's the result:

I hung out in the nursery with Hank while he got cleaned up and ready to meet everyone. I know the nurses thought I was crazy, but they were very patient with me – explaining every little thing about him, answering my 756,000 questions, and letting me take 26 gajillion pictures. Hank and I bonded that day, and I will never forget the experience of watching him wake up to a whole new world. Truly, it was the most incredible afternoon and evening I’ve ever had. I know my mother’s spirit was there all around us those few hours.  I felt it in a way I can’t even explain.

 

(Oh, and worth remembering, if you’re in the nursery with the baby, you don’t have to be in the waiting room with all of the crazy family members.) It was very sweet to see Banana so excited about her new cousin. She couldn't take her eyes off of him, and when she finally got to hold him, she kept saying, "Little fella! Little fella!"

So a few days later when Marianne and Hank were finally home, Marianne started running a fever. The next day she ended up back in the hospital with an infection. While in the hospital she started having problems breathing. It took almost a week and many tests, etc. to figure this entire thing out, but she has been diagnosed with Postpartum Cardiomyopathy. Doctors think she will recover nicely with the medication she is taking.  She’s home again and on oxygen when needed. I think the hardest part of being in the hospital for her was being away from Hank and the girls. My brother and his wife took care of Koo Koo and Smudge the entire time. I’m sure adding those two girls to their two little girls made for a frazzled week at their house, but they all seemed to handle it well. Hank spent the first weekend with us at Bobbie Jo’s house.  Yes, you read that correctly. We (PJ, Bobbie Jo and I) kept Hank for the weekend. And he survived! We even took him to a 4^th of July party and to his newborn check-up at the pediatrician’s office. (That’s a blog entry in itself!) Let me just say that I have a new respect for all of my friends with even one child. I was beyond worn out when the weekend was over. When I had to go back to work, our Aunt Jennifer took Hank to her house for the rest of the time Marianne was in the hospital. (Jennifer raised four children so I have a feeling she knew a little more about what she was doing.)

Scenes from Hank's "Tour de Aunties" follow:

 

 

 

So that’s what I’ve been doing and where I’ve been. I hope to update the 365 blog tonight or tomorrow for those of you who follow that.

All of this might have been easier to handle if other ridiculous things weren’t going on at the same time. You know, if my stepfather weren’t acting like a junior high boy with his new girlfriend. Or if the baby daddy had shown any interest in even seeing Hank. Or if my job weren't so stressful. Or if we all weren’t so consumed with worry over how all of this is going to play out for Marianne and her children.

But here's the thing - he's here and he's healthy. And we all are madly in love with him.

I'll be back here later in the week with a book review and give-away. Oh, and photos and details from my little bro's very fun wedding last weekend.

Two more cards and a WINNER

I used random.org for the first time ever to select a winner for the Cards For Heroes Memorial Day Blog Hop contest I ran this past weekend. That was helpful! I just need to learn how to copy the screen to here...maybe later. Anyway, the winner is comment #19. See?

Here are your random numbers:

19

Timestamp: 2009-05-26 16:43:31 UTC

And this was comment #19:

great card; thanks for supporting Cards for Heroes.

Posted by: Loni | May 23, 2009 at 08:25 PM

Congrats, Loni! You've won two handmade cards...by none other than moi. Thanks for hopping by. If you will email me with your contact info and what type cards you would like (birthday, Father's Day, ???), I will get right on it.

I enjoyed the hop so much that I made a couple more cards in the red, white and blue theme to show you:

 

You can still hop from blog to blog and check out the work. And Cards for Heroes needs cards all year long, so even if you are reading this next year - I'm sure they would love your help. Read more about the organization here: http://cardsforheroes.org/

Thanks again for stopping in and for all of your comments. I had such a great time finding blogs and looking at beautiful craftiness all weekend...a bright spot in an otherwise rainy and dreary weekend.

Things are hoppin'!

If you have landed here as a result of the Cards For Heroes (CFH) Memorial Day Blog Hop - Welcome! If you've landed here because you are my pal or regular reader and just wanted to see what ill fortune had befallen me today - you're in for a surprise. So far it has been a good day complete with breakfast at Waffle House! YES!

So on to the blog hop...Cards For Heroes is an organization that supports our nation's armed forces by sending them blank handmade cards to write home on as well as cards of gratitude to encourage them. CFH has sent over 140,000 cards to troops so far, and you can read the messages and see the pictures on their website that demonstrate how grateful these troops are for this. Here's a link to their site: http://cardsforheroes.org/

CFH is hosting a Memorial Day Blog Hop this weekend. I encourage you to hop from blog to blog to see all of the lovely cards that have been made to send to our troops. You can start anywhere in the chain, but if you want to start at the top of the link list- it can be found here: http://cardsforheroes.org/bloghop/ 

At the end of each blog entry there's a link to the next person's blog. Make sure you keep hopping and commenting because CFH will be giving away prizes all weekend to those who leave comments on our blogs. I will give away two handmade cards to one commenter via random drawing Monday evening, so be sure to leave me some love. I will even let the winner tell me what type card they want (i.e. birthday, anniversary, etc.)

Our theme for the hop this weekend was red, white and blue. I rocked a little Jenni Bowlin love and created this one:

 

Here's the inside with some room for writing home:

I plan on making several more as I've decided this is one way I can use my papercrafting to show the men and women of our armed forces how much I appreciate them. I have been so inspired by reading the stories on the Cards For Heroes site. I hope you will take a moment to learn more about their work and then hop from blog to blog to meet some AMAZING people and see some AMAZING talent.

So now it's time for you to hop on to the next person. Cindy is up next. I had so much fun looking around her blog last night. Clearly she has been making cards longer than I have. And I loved her creative style (Check out those artsy cards she made just last week. Awesome!) I can't wait to look at the over 100 other blogs participating in the hop, too. Always fun to meet new folks, and add more feeds to my Bloglines!

Thanks for stopping by and be sure to leave a comment for a chance to win prizes from CFH and a chance to win two handmade cards from moi. Here's Cindy's address: http://kodiakstamper.blogspot.com/2009/05/memorial-day-celebration.html

Hop along now.

Shower the people you love

Consider yourself warned. This will be a photo heavy post.

The baby shower was a smashing success. (Unless you count the various meltdowns by random children before, during and after the party...we try to overlook those in my family, especially since Aunt Mandy has meltdowns of her own to deal with.)

We had the shower at my mom's house...which I guess is now just my stepfather's house, but it seems odd to even say that. When we planned to have it there I didn't realize how difficult it would be to be there without my mother. I had a very hard time even getting out of the car when I went over Friday to decorate and prepare things. I just sat in the driveway sobbing for the longest time. But once I got into decorating mode, I was fine. And I realized yesterday during the shower that my mother is still there really...just in a different way.

Because my sister wants to use a cowboy theme in Hank's nursery, I decided to go with a western theme for the shower. I found some great party supplies at Oriental Trading Company, Hobby Lobby and Michael's. I did some major crafting, too, and it felt great to get back in the creative swing of things. If you look at nothing else in this photo marathon, make sure you see the diaper cake. Seriously, you have to see the diaper cake.

So here's a photo tour of the whole soiree. First off, I found this little sign at Hobby Lobby on sale for half price and added a bow to it for a front door greeting. My sister can now remove the bow and use the sign in Hank's room.

 

I made these little buttons for my sister, Koo Koo and Smudge to wear during the shower. Smudge has already informed me she is wearing hers to school tomorrow to show Mrs. Pilkington.

 

Koo Koo, Smudge and Marianne before the shower:

Speaking of Smudge, I got this dress for her on etsy and thought it was the perfect thing for the party. Of course, she hated it and couldn't wait to change into jeans. The dress wasn't "tight enough." I'm not even making that up. This is the same child who asked my sister one morning if her butt looked good in the jeans she was wearing. Trouble.

 

I made this little decoration for the fireplace at the last minute Saturday morning. It all came about because I didn't have a box for wrapping these cute etsy finds, and I thought the living room needed a little party action.

 

The dining room table was home of the diaper cake and most of the yummy refreshments.

 

Ummm...did you see that diaper cake? In case you missed it, here's a closer look:

I also made this little Virginia-esque sign for Hank's room, but decided to use it as a decoration at the shower as well.

 

I used jelly jars for punch glasses and tied little ribbons and twine around each one. Here's the kitchen table. Ignore the wanky paper lanterns that almost made me rip my hair out of my head. I started with six of them and only these three survived.

 

For party favors I used tiny little galvanized buckets filled with candy and tied with twine in clear treat bags. I posted a photo of those on my 365 blog a few days ago.

Little Addie Rose was the main entertainment of the day. She is truly the best baby we've ever had in our family - very easy-going, loving and happy.

So basically a great time was had by all, and my sister got tons of stuff. Hank will be well dressed, that's for sure.

 

Banana summed it up best. Hopped up on petit fours and punch, she shouted as I walked through the kitchen, "Aunt Mandy, this the best party ever!" I guess I can't ask for more than that.

 

Remedy

I have a suggestion for you. If you ever want to be reminded of your blessings or of the good things in your life, write a blog post about how bad your life sucks. I've spent the last couple of days thinking that I'm a big baby and that I need to get over myself. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has thought that about me lately.

Truth be told - lots of good and downright wonderful things have happened over the last twelve months as well. Just to name a few:

My little bro, Matt, and his girlfriend, Shannon, got engaged! Remember them? We're really excited for them...big wedding and lots of Chattanooga fun coming up the weekend of July 11th.

PJ's parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. We had a fun weekend away at Callaway Gardens with the whole family at the end of the summer to celebrate. I'm supposedly working on a scrapbook about their marriage, but I haven't had the time to finish it yet. I'm so looking forward to spending some hours putting it together this summer. I love looking at their photos from over the years. They've got a sweet story that needs documenting.

In other travel news - I got to go to the Scrap, Etc. Event in Nashville last spring. We took a really fun vacation to our favorite beach spot in July. And I was able to attend Blissdom'09 this past February. There I got to meet Jen Lancaster along with hundreds of other amazing women. It was also there that I met and discovered the music of the one and only Chris Mann.

In crafty news, I made the Scrap, Etc. Design Team after creating this rocking (if I do say so myself) album all about me. (Narcissistic much?) BTW, I just got the word that Scrap, Etc. is closing. I'm really sad about that, but totally get the decision. I can't imagine the stress of trying to run a retail operation in this economy and with such competition. Oh wait, yes I can. It's what I do. And as I said, I totally get the decision. Lucy, I wish you nothing but the best - and lots of time to play tennis and love on Emma and John Connor and hang at the beach. You deserve it.

I also started a blog of photos. I'm taking one photo every day and then posting those to However365. Not only has it been challenging and fun, but watching our days in photos has made me more aware of the little things we have and do that all come together to make one big life.

More times than I can count over the last year, we have heard some kick ass music live and in person. I blogged in October about our experience at Kentuck, but there's been more...like hearing Emmylou Harris sing at Phill's memorial service and then chatting with her about the brownies at the reception later. Just last week we had to chance to hear Robinella again. She always blows me away.

I count the time I get to spend with our nieces and nephews as some of the best days of my life. And because so much has happened in our family this year, we've been together a whole lot more often. I like that. Nothing makes me feel better than snuggling up to that precious Addison and breathing in her baby sweetness. She, Koo Koo, Smudge and Banana have made dealing with my mom's death easier and have reminded me more than once that this is not about me. And of course, I can't wait to meet Hank. As worried as I have been about my sister and her life and how in the world she is gonna pull this off, I'm filled with giddy anticipation. I cannot wait to have this little man to love and spoil. BTW, Koo Koo, Smudge and I are hosting a baby shower this weekend for my sister. It's going to be over the top with cuteness. I can't wait to post photos and a recap here next week. Meanwhile, take a look at the invitation. See? I told you. Cute.

So I would venture to say that what I have lived over the last twelve months is called "life," and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever experienced its ups and downs. Through all of this good and bad I've had PJ and amazing friends to pick me up, push me around, and love me. There's no way I could have made it without them. Maybe becoming more aware of that is what the last year was supposed to be about...who knows. What's any of it about?

In the words of Robinella, "Life is beautiful and sometimes grim. But it's now and forever. Amen."

Amen. Can I get a witness?

Quarantined with Whine Flu

Allow me to share here what all has happened in my small corner of the world in the last twelve months. I will even link you back to the blog entry that gives details in case you've missed something along the way.

April 2008 Kelli (my sweet Knoxville friend) died.

June 2008 My grandmother died.

July 2008 Phill (my funny and exceptionally kind friend from high school, college and post college insanity days) died.

August 2008 I was in a terrible "We're all going to die" funk.

October 2008 Addison (my brother's 2nd child) was born. Things started looking up.

November 2008 My mother died.

January 2009 Found out my sister is pregnant at age 41 with her 4th child.

February 2009 My friend, Jennifer, lost her young and full of life dad to a massive heart attack.

February 2009 I had shoulder surgery. It sucked.

February 2009 (Yes, we're still in February.) My stepfather announced he is seeing someone. (Yes, it had been less than 3 months since my mom died. I hadn't even had time to get my hair cut or colored since before my mom's death, but he has had time to start seeing someone. He's still seeing her, by the way, and we're all supposed to be OK with this.)

April 2009 I had a wreck and totaled my car.

April 2009 My knee started hurting just as I was finishing up physical therapy for my shoulder. Seems I hurt it in the wreck.

May 2009 Found out I have to have a knee scope to repair a torn meniscus.

Needless to say, I'm a little overwhelmed. 

As is typical, there's a whole lot more to each story. I'm not even including the background drama. Trust me - there's always background drama - especially in my family. I'm talking about the kind of drama that would make blockbuster movies and chart topping novels if only I had the time.

I thought the above time line might help explain my absence from here, my inability to make the simplest of decisions, my lack of patience and resulting pissy mood, and/or my tendency to just sit here in my office and stare at the walls. "Anti-social" would be the kindest way to describe me these days.

I have to say, I'm starting to feel like I'm being bullied a bit. I realize all of these things that have happened are not "about" me. These events have happened to more than just little me. I also realize that many people are in far worse shape than I am. Many people have gone and will go through much more in much less time. But let it be known - I am tired and I am over it.

Here's the thing that I know, though. I will be fine. I always am. I always make it through because I'm strong and stubborn and smart and well, I'm a survivor. One way I know I'm starting to feel better is my increased attention to music. For months I haven't really listened to anything, unable to concentrate, not wanting the noise in my head. That's not like me at all. Music has always been an escape for me so when I realized I was no longer interested, I knew I was in trouble. But just recently I've re-discovered songs on my iPod, some I don't even remember loading, and I've caught myself singing along and even dancing in the living room a time or two. That's a good sign, but I don't want to jinx anything so I will leave it at that.

So...feel free to cut me some slack.

Yesterday I stumbled upon something I had written in my day planner a long while ago thinking I might use the thought on a scrapbook page later. (I can't remember where I saw the quote or I would credit it.) I'm thinking now that there was a reason I wrote it down, and I suggest you take it to heart, too.

Life is tough. I recommend getting a manicure and a really cute helmet.

He was a good egg.

I've been trying to keep myself from thinking too much about Easter this year. Simply because it's the holiday I most associate with my grandfather, and I miss him terribly. Growing up we would spend long Easter Sunday afternoons at my Gran Gran and Wilbur's house - eating a big lunch, hiding and finding eggs, playing Barbies, taking pictures and making home movies. This year is especially daunting now that my mom is gone. I can't imagine that I will feel very Easter-y. I had a come apart in CVS last week when I saw a little notepad like the one she had put in my Easter basket just two years ago. Oh how she loved to make an Easter basket.

And oh how my grandfather loved to make a movie. We have literally hours of home movies that Wilbur took of each of us walking down their front sidewalk toward the camera in our Easter best. Year after year after year. We now have these home movies on DVD, but I haven't been able to watch them since my mom died. The movies start when she was just a baby and it's so obvious that he was completely smitten with her...and with all of us, really. I just can't go there yet.

Wilbur used to love to tell the story of the first time he had me hide the Easter eggs for him to find. I couldn't have been more than four or five years old, and I wanted to be in charge of the game, of course. I "hid" every single egg in a pile in the top of a boxwood just beside the front porch. He had the home movie proof of this, and he enjoyed telling the same story to the same group of people every Easter Sunday. Quite possibly the most endearing quality of my grandfather's was his complete adoration of his grandchildren. And I was the first. I like to think he was most in love with me. Because I can't imagine anyone ever loving anyone like that again. 

Operation Tulip

Mission Accomplished! Tulips have been rescued from my bleh office and are on the way to our happy home.

Tulip love

PJ sent me these GORGEOUS yellow and orange tulips yesterday for our anniversary. I had just been outside photographing the pink and white tulips on campus plus lamenting the fact that the storm the night before had torn up some of them when I came in and found these perfect ones on my desk. Sweet! Made my day!

I woke up in horrible pain this morning so I didn't go to work. I think I may have pushed the shoulder a little too hard yesterday showing off with my new little hand weights. So now I'm piled in the bed with an ice pack blogging and tweeting (under the influence) from my iPhone.

When the drugs wear off a little I'm gonna sneak over to my office and get my tulips. I need them here with me to remind me how incredibly fortunate I am to have PJ...and an ice pack and drugs...and an iPhone.