I can't sleep. And when I first woke up, I tried to meditate a little...tried to imagine I was somewhere peaceful without a dog on my head...and I conjured up this vivid memory of when my sister and I were young and would spend the night at my grandparents' house on a Saturday night. I don't want to forget this, so I'm etching it here...to do something with it someday.
Before bed (but after the Lawrence Welk Show) we would study our Sunday School lesson while Granddaddy prepared to teach his Sunday School class the next morning. He always sat in the living room to do this - in the chair closest to the front door. I would spread out on the floor as close to him as I could get without actually sitting in his lap and watch him study more than I would actually study myself. I would wonder what he must be like in that class, teaching a group of his peers. He was a quiet man, and it was hard for me to imagine him speaking in front of a crowd although I knew he was bright and articulate. It was a stretch for me to see him as a serious person because with us he was silly and funny and always laughing. I didn't call him "Granddaddy" until much later in life. I called him by his first name which was "Wilbur." We suppose I did this because I was the first grandchild and I heard everyone else calling him "Wilbur," and started saying it myself before anyone taught me a different name for him.
Before bed, I would watch as my grandmother went through her meticulous beauty ritual. She would slather this thick white cream (I thought it was just about the grossest thing I had ever seen) all over her face. To this day, I blame that smell for my dislike and inconsistent use of moisturizers. The most hysterical part of her routine was how she carefully wrapped her hair in long rolls of toilet tissue before donning what I think now must have been a shower cap? I'm sure I pointed out to her that I thought this was ridiculous. And I'm sure she didn't care what I thought. Betty did her hair every Friday morning and Gran Gran had to work hard to make sure it still looked nice on Sunday morning. When we moved my grandmother out of her house and into an assisted living facility a few years ago, my cousins and I got the biggest laugh about the thick layer of Aqua Net that was caked on the shower curtain in the pick bathroom. You could tell exactly where Gran Gran stood every morning to plaster down that do. I'm not sure why I called her "Gran Gran," but that name started with me and is what we all (family and friends alike) call her today.
We slept in the front bedroom - the pink room with the pink bathroom. And when it was warm, we slept with the windows open and the big attic fan in the hall would suck in what seemed like all of the air in the whole entire neighborhood. You could barely hear the crickets over the sound of the fan. And if you listened really closely, you could hear the train at about midnight. I would lie awake for what seemed like hours listening to the things that I swear I never heard at our house even though we lived only a few miles away.
And then I would wake up to the smell of Granddaddy's scrambled eggs and toast. I remember thinking that I was sure there would be scrambled eggs and toast in Heaven. And that he would be the one cooking for all of us fortunate enough to be in Heaven. See, even then I was trying to make sense of this whole life after death thing...trying to figure out what could possibly be better than the life I had at that moment here on earth. So anyway, in Heaven there are no Pop-Tarts. No Alpha-Bits. Just Wilbur's scrambled eggs and toast.
And then we would get dressed and head to Sunday School. (That's the happily ever after part, I guess.)
I doubt I knew then that I would never forget those sounds and smells. I doubt Gran Gran and Wilbur knew then that they were writing those memories on my heart.
I'm super-curious to know what time it was that you woke up and wrote this post - there's a specific cycle of brain activity that results in waking up profoundly alert and connected to your higher self, your intuition, your spirit guides - whatever form that voice takes in your experience.
It's usually 3am to 5am, and tends to be a repetitive, consistent, much smaller window, depending on the individual.
I hypothesize that there are two overlapping phenomena going on when this happens for writers in particular.
These moments often feature memories recalled in great, emotion-rich detail (random enough to make you wonder Why THAT moment NOW?). Nothing unusual, but certainly magical - in that they become so present and you find them wanting to be communicated, and Coming Out with an effortless grace and authenticity that you might normally wish - or struggle - to achieve every time you want.
This may be the most lovely, powerful post I've read here:
.....See, even then I was trying to make sense of this whole life after death thing...trying to figure out what could possibly be better than the life I had at that moment here on earth.....
Gorgeous, Mandy!
I bet somebody's told you before "You should be a writer!"
You think?
I know so - here's the proof.
Posted by: Slade | January 31, 2007 at 07:06 AM
Thanks for this lovely post! It brought back similar memories for me and the times I spent with my grandparents. What a nice way to start the day...
Posted by: Tricks | January 31, 2007 at 09:45 AM
It is amazing where having a dog stomp all over your head in the middle of the night can lead. Should we thank Clover Louise for this post? I think this post touched many of us who had similar experiences while visiting our grandparents. And church often played a part in these memories, whether it was Mount Zion in Alabama or Oakie Ridge in Florida. And waking up to the smell of scrambled eggs and toast is definitely a great moment (with no disrespect to Pop-tarts and Alpha-Bits...they have their place).
Posted by: PJ | January 31, 2007 at 06:17 PM
That is an awesome post. It makes me happy to think of all of the time that Ali is spending with her Grandparents. . . and I will be thinking of this post when she is spending the night with them Friday night!!!
Posted by: Rachel @ Grasping for Objectivity in my Subjective Life | May 20, 2009 at 07:45 PM
This reminds me a lot of nights spent at my great-grandparents home. I would wake up (also in the pink bedroom) to the warbly-sweet voice of my Momo calling, "Hot biscuits! Wake up, Punchy!" (That was my Popo's nickname for me.)
I was always fascinated to watch Momo roll her hair into pin curls with bobby pins all over her head before bedtime. Mom offered to use hot rollers, but Momo never was one to embrace technology.
Thanks for bringing back some great memories for me.
Posted by: Lianne | May 21, 2009 at 08:39 AM