i can haz life back plz?

So I can't take Lortab. It makes me crazy. Like at one point I woke up thinking I was Bullwinkle and it sucked that my rack wouldn't fit through the front door at Zaxby's because I sure would like some boneless wings for lunch.

Yeah.

Crazy.

By Sunday I was sitting on the sofa in a full on come apart sobbing and sweating and freaking PJ the eff out.

So I quit it.

Cold Turkey.

And let me tell you, the pain is intense. It's the kind of pain that makes you dizzy and nauseous. But it's really nice to have my mind back. I'm taking Darvocet now, and although it makes me really queasy and I still have hot flashes, it helps some. My choices of pain relievers are limited due to my gastric bypass surgery in 2004. I know. Wah wah wah.

I'm making progress in physical therapy they say (something about my range of motion improving), but yesterday I had to stop mid-exercise because I was suddenly overcome with the pain and nausea. I made a mad dash for the tiny little bathroom to vomit my guts out. I'm sure every patient heard me since you can even hear people peeing in there, but they all acted like it wasn't a big deal when I came out a few minutes later having washed my faced and stared at myself in the mirror until the nausea passed. Luckily my therapist decided we should try a different exercise - something less painful - and I was fine in a few minutes. I felt like such a pathetic baby when I left that I went to my favorite meat and three for comfort food and then came home and went to bed.

Sometimes I forget why I did this. Did my shoulder really bother me enough to warrant this? Probably. And I feel like I'm through the worst part, so I'll be fine. I'll be much better when I can stop all pain medication and feel like I can have a logical train of thought that doesn't include trying to remember what time Ellen comes on and what station Oprah is on and should I wear flannel pajamas or knit pajamas today.

This is my life right now. Complex and cosmopolitan as usual.

Now if you will excuse me - it's at least 768 degrees in this room...I need to go stick my head in the freezer.

Comments

[Kindredly]

oh dear. That sounds horrible.
Good luck to you, my friend. I'm sure it will all be worth it when it's over and you're pain free...I know you don't want to hear that when your head is in the toilet.

[sonya]

you're awesome. hang in there!

[oh-no]

sounds like things are right on schedule..... *smile*

[Katie Burnett]

I'm so sorry Mandy! I know how awful it is to be in that kind of pain, but the Bullwinkle thing sure was funny! Maybe you should take just one more Lortab just for the material it produces ; )

Also, re: your last blog entry - V's book + Mandy's writing = fabulosity.

[Noele]

you can has your life back if i can has your lortab.
xoxoxoxoxo

[Dani]

Im sorry things are going so poorly, but the positive attitude that's peeking out will get you through this. I do wonder how you would get those antlers inside the freezer though.

[vanna]

you know it's going to get better, but those thoughts sometimes in the throws of healing pain - "why did i do this?!? it wasn't THAT bad!!" can be so pervasive!!

in a few years, when you're all healed and the pain is forgotten, you'll be so happy you did it!!

[Ajlouny]

Figuring out your body's problem and fixing it is much better than just fixing a symptom.  I can't help but question the wisdom of using any drug that's given to STOP the body from doing what it was designed to do.  Though it doesn't always feel like it, our bodies WANT to be well...we just have to give them a decent chance.

[NYC car accident Lawyer]

Dealing with my own clients who go through pain as you described on a regular basis, I can only imagine how frustrating it has been for you! Its been a couple of years how are you doing now?