Allow me to share here what all has happened in my small corner of the world in the last twelve months. I will even link you back to the blog entry that gives details in case you've missed something along the way.
April 2008 Kelli (my sweet Knoxville friend) died.
June 2008 My grandmother died.
August 2008 I was in a terrible "We're all going to die" funk.
October 2008 Addison (my brother's 2nd child) was born. Things started looking up.
November 2008 My mother died.
January 2009 Found out my sister is pregnant at age 41 with her 4th child.
February 2009 My friend, Jennifer, lost her young and full of life dad to a massive heart attack.
February 2009 I had shoulder surgery. It sucked.
February 2009 (Yes, we're still in February.) My stepfather announced he is seeing someone. (Yes, it had been less than 3 months since my mom died. I hadn't even had time to get my hair cut or colored since before my mom's death, but he has had time to start seeing someone. He's still seeing her, by the way, and we're all supposed to be OK with this.)
April 2009 I had a wreck and totaled my car.
April 2009 My knee started hurting just as I was finishing up physical therapy for my shoulder. Seems I hurt it in the wreck.
May 2009 Found out I have to have a knee scope to repair a torn meniscus.
Needless to say, I'm a little overwhelmed.
As is typical, there's a whole lot more to each story. I'm not even including the background drama. Trust me - there's always background drama - especially in my family. I'm talking about the kind of drama that would make blockbuster movies and chart topping novels if only I had the time.
I thought the above time line might help explain my absence from here, my inability to make the simplest of decisions, my lack of patience and resulting pissy mood, and/or my tendency to just sit here in my office and stare at the walls. "Anti-social" would be the kindest way to describe me these days.
I have to say, I'm starting to feel like I'm being bullied a bit. I realize all of these things that have happened are not "about" me. These events have happened to more than just little me. I also realize that many people are in far worse shape than I am. Many people have gone and will go through much more in much less time. But let it be known - I am tired and I am over it.
Here's the thing that I know, though. I will be fine. I always am. I always make it through because I'm strong and stubborn and smart and well, I'm a survivor. One way I know I'm starting to feel better is my increased attention to music. For months I haven't really listened to anything, unable to concentrate, not wanting the noise in my head. That's not like me at all. Music has always been an escape for me so when I realized I was no longer interested, I knew I was in trouble. But just recently I've re-discovered songs on my iPod, some I don't even remember loading, and I've caught myself singing along and even dancing in the living room a time or two. That's a good sign, but I don't want to jinx anything so I will leave it at that.
So...feel free to cut me some slack.
Yesterday I stumbled upon something I had written in my day planner a long while ago thinking I might use the thought on a scrapbook page later. (I can't remember where I saw the quote or I would credit it.) I'm thinking now that there was a reason I wrote it down, and I suggest you take it to heart, too.
Life is tough. I recommend getting a manicure and a really cute helmet.
Wow. I'm so sorry. I totally get how you feel. We had a couple of things happen in a row last year (My husband's best friend and co-worker died and then my nephew was born two months prematurely), and we were on edge and messed up for months. I can't imagine having all of those things happen over and over.
I hope that the light at the end of the tunnel starts shining brightly very soon!!
Posted by: Rachel @ Grasping for Objectivity in my Subjective Life | May 11, 2009 at 05:06 PM
Aw man.
I wish I could say something that sounded good and encouraging and all that.
I am not so good at that kind of stuff, I end up being all paranoid later that I said the wrong thing.
BUT you are right; you are a survivor. I will be praying that you and PJ and the furry babies see some better times.
Love you girl.
Posted by: virginia | May 11, 2009 at 05:14 PM
I wish I could say something fantastic to make it all better, but you are pretty strong and fantastic in my book. And you know, you said other people have been through much more in much less time - don't think that way - honestly everyone's bad stuff is bad to them - really bad. So don't even think that way!! I love ya girl and I know things will get better one day - and in the meantime, we're here for you! No worries. Take your time!
Posted by: lisa | May 11, 2009 at 07:06 PM
I really like that quote!
Man, you're having a bad year. I hope things continue to look up for you. I had a really bad late 2007 and whole 2008. Granted, it wasn't as bad as yours, but it sucked nonetheless. 2009 has been wonderful (aside from the whole I-hate-my-job-therefore-I'm-miserable-eight-hours-a-day-five-days-a-week thing)-- I guess you can take comfort in the fact that things can ONLY get better, right?
Either way, you're in my thoughts...
Posted by: Kindredly | May 11, 2009 at 08:43 PM
Go to Moxie.com and you'll find that quote on a magnet. Sure am glad you are feeling better and back to the blog. You have been missed.
Posted by: Jan | May 12, 2009 at 11:42 AM
i am glad you are dancing at least a little in the livingroom!
i love the quote!
Posted by: oh-no | May 12, 2009 at 05:52 PM