However Although Thus Several Several

Reality getting in my way

The real reasons I haven't written more lately:

1. Work: I'm insanely busy with nothing that matters and completely overwhelmed by all that does. There are people and situations there (as I'm sure I've mentioned before) making me crazy. There's nothing I can do about it right now other than just continue to try to improve my reactions to said people and situations. That's much more difficult than it sounds. I promise.

2. Television: Both good and bad TV sucking me in lately. I hate to even say that, though, because I watch far less TV than most people I know. I'm on a bit of a reality show kick. I'm sure that says something about me and my reality, but I would like to skip that discussion for now. I've become obsessed with "Ruby." She's adorable. I catch myself slipping into her accent every now and then. I'm also digging "Police Women of Broward County." Andrea reminds me of Bobbie Jo in many ways. Clean House makes me both disgusted and giddy. And I've loved "Big Medicine" forever. I know what you are thinking - I'm a huge nerd. I know there are some great shows out there right now. I hear y'all talking about them, see you tweeting about them. I know I can't even start watching it (True Blood) or I will be hooked forever. I can't make that type of commitment right now.

3. Grief: Still working though my emotions surrounding my mom. Some days are better than others. I had forgotten that this time of year (back to school) would remind me so much of her. So I've had some come aparts lately - mostly in the school supply aisles of random retail establishments. Although a little embarrassing and inconvenient, I imagine that will be how it is for a long while.

Just thought you might want to hear my excuses. What's keeping you from writing these days?

i can haz life back plz?

So I can't take Lortab. It makes me crazy. Like at one point I woke up thinking I was Bullwinkle and it sucked that my rack wouldn't fit through the front door at Zaxby's because I sure would like some boneless wings for lunch.

Yeah.

Crazy.

By Sunday I was sitting on the sofa in a full on come apart sobbing and sweating and freaking PJ the eff out.

So I quit it.

Cold Turkey.

And let me tell you, the pain is intense. It's the kind of pain that makes you dizzy and nauseous. But it's really nice to have my mind back. I'm taking Darvocet now, and although it makes me really queasy and I still have hot flashes, it helps some. My choices of pain relievers are limited due to my gastric bypass surgery in 2004. I know. Wah wah wah.

I'm making progress in physical therapy they say (something about my range of motion improving), but yesterday I had to stop mid-exercise because I was suddenly overcome with the pain and nausea. I made a mad dash for the tiny little bathroom to vomit my guts out. I'm sure every patient heard me since you can even hear people peeing in there, but they all acted like it wasn't a big deal when I came out a few minutes later having washed my faced and stared at myself in the mirror until the nausea passed. Luckily my therapist decided we should try a different exercise - something less painful - and I was fine in a few minutes. I felt like such a pathetic baby when I left that I went to my favorite meat and three for comfort food and then came home and went to bed.

Sometimes I forget why I did this. Did my shoulder really bother me enough to warrant this? Probably. And I feel like I'm through the worst part, so I'll be fine. I'll be much better when I can stop all pain medication and feel like I can have a logical train of thought that doesn't include trying to remember what time Ellen comes on and what station Oprah is on and should I wear flannel pajamas or knit pajamas today.

This is my life right now. Complex and cosmopolitan as usual.

Now if you will excuse me - it's at least 768 degrees in this room...I need to go stick my head in the freezer.

To think about on a Tuesday

Circa fall 1981 with my best bud, Gail. I seriously thought I was fat. I had no idea the glasses were the issue.

 

And if you think I don't know the meaning of "brainstorming," why would you want someone as stupid as me to come to your "brainstorming" session? Just askin'.

Next we will discuss the traffic

I'm gonna take a risk here. I'm gonna share some information that may not make the best blog content. But I've had a few emails and requests for an update so I thought I would fill everyone in at the same time. Forgive me in advance for sounding like Madge describing her sciatica at the Betty's Beauty Box.

I went to the orthopedist this morning to get results from the MRI I had Tuesday. Doogie says that the damage to my left shoulder is not that bad…no torn tissue, but several bone spurs and some tendinitis. He said that arthroscopic surgery would probably help, but he’s not ready to do that just yet for a couple of reasons – not the least of which is my typical really bad reaction to anesthesia. He says he’s  surprised that the relief I got from the cortisone injection in June didn’t last longer than it did and he isn’t ready to give up on that treatment.

 

Umm…yeah. I’m a little surprised, too. Can I just say that something that hurts that bad really should be a little more effective? (?!?!?!) In other words, I’m thinking the injection is not a good overall value.

 

I can have another injection in late August (apparently these can only be given every 3 months) so we will see. I’m willing to give it another whirl to avoid surgery and all that goes with that for now. If the next injection proves as worthless as the first, then he will talk to me about surgery. He will have to catch me first.

 

Another issue is the fact that there are medications that would probably help alleviate the pain I'm experiencing, but I can’t take them because I’ve had gastric bypass. I’m pretty limited as to what I can take in the pain relief department. Darvocet really isn’t helping…it’s just making me more emotional and weepy.  (Yeah, sucks to be PJ.) Skelaxin doesn’t help at all...just makes me feel like a noodle. (A noodle in pain.)

 

So, there you have it. NOTHING. Once again I have no solution. I was basically told to deal with it for now. And it hurts like a MUTTHA.

 

We're headed to the big city again tonight. Two weekends in a row! Aren't we somethin'? I wish I had time for a combat nap before we have to be at our haughty dinner party...but I'll probably use the hour long drive to bitch about my day. And my shoulder, of course.

 

Thanks for enduring the whiny recap. Don't worry - I will pep things up next time. Maybe I will write about the weather!

I like any co-worker with hips bigger than mine

Of course, I still need to remember to suck it in for a photo. He always catches me off guard.

RTR, baby.

Needs help.

Have you ever known anyone who begins their sentences with the verb rather than with the subject? I'm talking about completely omitting the subject of the sentence. So she goes around saying things like this:

Got an invoice today from...

Need to ask you a question about...

Wanted to know if...

Asking permission to...

I must tell you, it is maddening. Is maddening. Driving me nuts. Making me crazy. Killing me.

Here's the other thing - my shoulder is hurting again. I know you think I'm 80 years old, but I swear it hurts so bad sometimes I want to vomit. And I have a seriously high tolerance for pain. So the shot didn't last that long. And physical therapy didn't really work (and was on my nerves in a major way). So. What now? Maybe it will go away if I just ignore it. I will also try bitching about it NONSTOP. Maybe that will help.  

Here's the good news - I can't eat when I hurt like this. Maybe the Weight Watchers meeting this Saturday won't be such a disaster after all.

The same person with the sentence structure issue is obsessed with policies...writing policies, re-writing policies, talking about policies, drilling me about policies, calling other departments about their policies, etc. This is equally maddening, I must say. Occasionally she throws in the "procedures" twist, but typically she's all about policies. I just spent a good 30 minutes trying to trip her up on this policy she wants to implement. Good times.

She's also obsessed with her 1982 model adding machine, but I will save that story for another day.

Weekend Update

Apparently PJ did not eat enough of the homemade bread. I lost 2.2 pounds and his weight stayed the same.

Hate it for him. (BWAH ha ha ha ha)

And Virginia, frosting on a spoon DOES equal zero points if you eat it standing up or if no one sees you eat it. "No one" includes the dog.

Guess who scored lots of cute clothes at TJ Maxx this morning? That NEVER happens to me. NEVER. And we won't even talk about the bathing suit search. I think I will be sporting a muumuu or a nice long t-shirt the entire beach trip. I don't care, though, because I won't be at work. And that? That's worth more than my weight in gold. More than my weight last week even...before I ate the magic bread.

Don't ask me why this font is different than all of my other posts. I don't know. Just go with it. (I realize it's appearing more and more like I don't know what I'm doing. Just ignore that perception.)

PJ is headed to see his parents this afternoon and will be back tomorrow. I am about to head over to SisTV to see what kind of trouble I can get in or what inspiration I can find. Or maybe I will read. Or maybe I will join Clover who is napping after an exhausting morning at the groomer. (I'm overwhelmed with possibilities now that Aunt Flo has left. I'm much happier without her cramping my style. No pun intended.) Cowboy isn't napping yet because he is occupied with trying to remove the gay bandanna from around his neck.

No thank you

I thought it might be good to go ahead and admit this before I go weigh in at Weight Watchers in the morning. A friend baked us a loaf of bread recently. (I won't tell you who it was because she sent word that I am not allowed to write her a thank you note or anything like that, and she says if I do - she won't ever bake bread for us again, and well, that would suck.) So, PJ brought home this loaf of bread the other day and I have plowed through almost the entire loaf. I'm not even kidding...I have no idea if PJ even ate one bit of it. I am miserable, but at the same time I'm deliriously happy...giddy with bread love. It's the most amazing stuff. What is it about homemade bread? The smell, the texture, the whole experience...OMG!

And here's the interesting thing. As you may know, when on Weight Watchers, you track everything you eat and tally points for the day and week. I haven't even once acknowledged that I have eaten even one piece of this bread. Not once. I have tracked everything else that I've eaten this week, but I have pretended the bread didn't happen.

An entire loaf of bread with zero points. Amazing.

BTW, this is not a thank you note.

Today was about me and...well, just me

I was off today. And I'm sure I'm not the only one ecstatic about that. It's been another rough week, and I told PJ yesterday that he should write down the date as the day I was officially "DONE" with caring about that place. Done. We all know I will change my mind when I get back, but good flippin' grief. I sometimes think I can't take another minute of it.

So...in an effort to get my mojo back, I decided to treat myself today. I spent a really long time at the salon reading ridiculous celebrity news, and now I have new hair. Clover took this picture of me when I got home:

And I got a pedicure:

It's called "Lincoln Park After Dark" by OPI. Working around college girls gets you the lead on cool beauty products, by the way.

I also went to Barnes and Noble this morning for coffee and Valentine shopping. And this afternoon I stopped at a gourmet takeout place for homemade pimiento cheese which I am now devouring like there is no tomorrow.

To top it all off, when I got home, I found my materials from Stacy Julian re: A Library of Memories on my doorstep.

It was a good day. Never mind that I am now broke as a joke.

You know what, though? I just realized I have on the hospital pants today...the velour camouflage pants that I wore all 532 days I was in the hospital last year. I'm exaggerating about the number of days, but I did wear the pants every single one of them. And no matter how bad work gets - it's still better than being there. I need to remember that more often. Maybe I should wear these pants to work. I need to think on how I can make baggy velour camouflage pants University appropriate...

Let the games begin...I mean, celebrate me home

Tomorrow we are going to my Aunt Jennifer's house to celebrate with the cousins. It's usually lots of fun. One year Julie gave Jenny a pair of slippers constructed from maxi-pads. We are a crafty family. It has been hard to top that one, though.

PJ has announced that we are going to church on Sunday. Hmmm...I hope he has done his research because I would hate to embarrass him by getting up and walking out in the middle of some preacher mcpreachy rant.

On Monday (Christmas Eve) Bobbie Jo is coming to visit and celebrate with us. WOOT! Bobbie Jo gives good Christmas and we can't wait to spend the day with her! The dogs are already asking me how much longer until Bobbie Jo gets here...never mind Santa - we want Bobbie Jo and her bag of treats and toys and more treats and more toys.

On Christmas day - after much deliberation and near drama - we have a plan. We will be spending the afternoon at my mom and stepfather's house with my sister and her children, Sister Girl and Smudge (AKA the Queen of Alabama). My brother and his wife have also agreed to make an appearance and will bring Banana for us all to enjoy. Word has it that my nephew will also be there. We'll see about that.

So, I will be taking notes (and of course, pictures) through all of this and will probably have lots to tell once it's all said and done. Of course, I may not share any of it. I may be locked up somewhere.

Totally unrelated:

What I ate yesterday: One half of a box of Reduced Fat Cheez-its and about one half pound of mint M&M's. Oh, and a mis-a-lo and about 84 ounces of unsweet tea. Why is it that I can eat mint flavored sweet stuff and not have the awful reaction that I am supposed to have (you know, since I had gastric bypass - the "dumping" syndrome)? And why did I have to figure that out? I wish everything made me hurl. Not really. I don't wish that. But I do wish I were more disciplined. And that I wouldn't fill up on JUNK. Because I felt like major crap last night...all a result of my day of nutritious eating. I couldn't have eaten protein if I had wanted to because I was stuffed full of CRAP. I would blame it on the festive nature of the holidays but we all know this is a recurring theme with me.